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EastEnders - The Top 50 Characters...
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I thought it was about time I wrote a definitive list of my fave EE characters, especially with the 25th anniversary on the horizon. Just so you all know, there will be no Slaters (well maybe one)! No Alfie Moon! No Kathy, no Mel, no Sonia, no Sharon and not many of the characters in the last ten years! I don't live in the here and now - I live in the past! Proud of it! So there will be no characters that are allegedly classics without basis! Why? Because I don't like them! This is my list, my choices. I invite anyone to write a similar list and it will be featured on this site.
The criteria for entry is simple. You must have done something classic in my eyes (being evil also helps). The earlier entries perhaps one or two great moments, and as we get closer to the summit, it will be characters of total, utter brilliance. So without further ado... enjoy...
Yes. Dr Evil himself! In case you think you're reading the 'worst 50' instead of the best...do not adjust your set. I AM indeed suggesting Joe Macer is one of EE's elite...and let me tell you why. Yes...he was sweaty...yes, his sinister intentions could be spotted straight from the point when he salsa'd badly onto our screens....but in late 2006, Ray Brooks performances in Pauline's final episodes were as good as anything EE has ever shown.
Not many people have EVER spoken to Pauline this way. But the fashion in which Joe verbally decimated the Fowler clan was truly stunning. Branding Arthur a 'criminal', Michelle a 'slapper' and Mark 'diseased' - it was stunning stuff. Pauline mocked his lovemaking but Macer responded that she was like a block of ice. Brooks also excelled when returning in 2007 to be the man who killed Pauline. A great final scene with Dot followed by his sudden death. The way Ray changed from a kindly older gent, to a despicable murderer was stark, yet believable. I've never gone public with these views on Joe before...but there it is!
49) Ashraf Karim (Aftab Sachak) 1987-90
Being saddled with the role of 'Asian shop-owner' isn't the greatest specification for an actor in a soap, as the largely irrelevant Saeed Jeffrey proved. But Ashraf seemed a little different. He had a harsh disposition, strict family values and a fine sprout of a moustache. He also had a masters degree in hypocrisy as his affair with a white woman proved.
Karim was great in his wars with Pete Beale (who always amusingly called him 'Omar'), repelling the racist taunts of the vile Ricky Butcher and dealing with the idiocy of Trevor Short as he decorated his house. The scenes with Dr Legg concerning Shireen were superb, as was the dealing of Sufia's suspicions of his affair. His witticisms amused and for me, he's the best person who's run the corner-shop to date.
48) Dougie Briggs (Max Gold) - 1994
What I remember most about Dougie was that he was introduced around the time when EE went three times a week. Obviously, all the best plots during the 90's centred around Grant and this was no exception. Of course, it doesn't do to display all ex-soldiers as psychopathic lunatics as EE certainly did with Grant and now Dougie. But it does help to explain why Grant was as he was if this was his company back in the Falklands.
Dougie's ability to appear kindly while of course being as dangerous as hell was great to watch, and then even better as he completely unravelled in front of Sharon and Michelle, resulting in the latter's shooting. It was great development for Grant who was forced into acting the hero against his friend, and helping Michelle, whom he generally detested. Quality nutjob.
47) Alan McIntyre (Pip Miller) 1987-88, 1989
Yes, I think everyone is now beginning to see a theme in my favourites...I like the bad guys...and it only gets worse from here. Alan's role was small, but very enjoyable. Alan was of course Sue and Ali's landlord from late 1987, and the man who made their lives a living hell. Loud music, shit left on the carpet and general unpleasantness. He made the already certifiable Sue go even further round the twist, and regularly reduced Ali's attempts to valiantly take him on to nothing.
McIntyre was instrumental in drumming Ali out of the square in late 1989. This was back in the days when bad guys didn't always have to get their comeuppance. Extremely entertaining.
46) Sean Slater (Robert Kazinsky) 2006-09
Yes. Another Psycho. I wasn't always on the characters side, because often, he made Max look stupid and I do so like Max. But I gotta give Kazinsky some credit, the guy gave it his all performance wise, always made every scene a cracker with a sarcastic aside or a physical battering.
Pairing him with Roxy was a mistake as it seemed to nullify him as a force. But I recall the way he destroyed Johnny Allen in prison, destroyed Jake Moon, and doing something all of us fans wanted to see done for a long time - kicked that useless sack of shit Gus out of the square. I'm sure the man is in line for a return one day. Very entertaining.
45) Denise Fox (Diane Parish) 2006-
The first female character in this largely male dominated piece arrives in the shape of Denise Fox. I am a big fan of ballsy women who do it with style. Roxy Mitchell does not do it with style. None of the Slater birds did it with style. Denise does. She just has IT, and so do the other women in this list. Denise is great fun, she takes no crap and gives a lot of it out. She refuses to lose an argument and seldom apologizes when she's wrong...and these traits and more come from the Watts guidebook of how to be a great character.
I hope for more years of Denise.
Good old Marcus! Always there when you needed him. Especially if you were Phil and Grant Mitchell, two men with shall we say, a slight obsession with breaking the law. A solicitor of the old school - bowtie and spectacles present and correct at all times - Marcus got Grant out of more scrapes than a paint-stripped wall. He didn't want thanks, just hopefully a rest for a while. Of course, Marcus was beyond reproach as a professional...or so we thought. In late 2004, Marcus was outed as a scheming bastard who had been feathering his nest from the Mitchell fortune for years. The way in which he conned Sam Mitchell out of her money was ruthless and lets face it, could have only been achieved at the behest of Dennis Watts.
The 'Marcusgate' moment when Marcus faces Den at the airport, is for me, the greatest moment of the 2000's and had me dancing around the room with joy. This was a moment that avoided the spoiler radar and came across as a genuine surprise for most. A truly stunning soap-byte...but alas, it meant that we shall never see him again. Unless of course, Phil or Grant decide to hunt him down at his beach-house.
43) Masood Ahmed (Nitin Ganatra) 2007-
Masood and his wife are probably the best Asian exponents EE have had. While I liked Ashraf Karim for his conduct in the shop and his shenanigans, the scenes of the family weren't so hot. But Masood at home is great fun. Being the first Asian family to follow the dreaded Ferreira's, the jury was out on them, but Masood has delivered, simply through excellent comic timing, and sticking by all his convictions. He gives the impression he's a laid-back, lazy sort, but you'd be a fool to think that. Masood is a clever guy, a funny guy and an asset to the current show.
Another great 80's character. The way he arrived in the show, as Carmel's knight in shining armour. Watching him calmly deal with the racism of Darren and being a loyal and compassionate person...to see this, and then watch on as his true colours are slowly revealed...it's superb. Seeing as he was brought in by Smith and Holland but not finished up until they had left, I'm not entirely sure how much of his narrative was written beforehand and what was tacked on later. I'd like to think that Matthew's violence was always planned.
Hartley is terrifying when he loses it, but sympathetic also afterwards. It's a great skill for an actor. We'd never seen true domestic violence in the show before, and the fact that it was happening to such a bubbly character in Carmel made it all the more shocking. The way Matthew would beat Carmel and viciously verbally abuse Junior...and then sing and dance during Frank and Pat's wedding...dramatic stuff. He also had an excellent mullet towards the end which probably upped his rank a few notches.
41) Dr Harold Legg (Leonard Fenton) 1985-1997
I think I owe someone a deep apology. In the past, I have taken great delight in butchering Dr Legg's time in the show. Proclaiming him to be a foul, evil and disgraceful medical practitioner and while I still feel that in 1989, his behaviour was highly negligent, in truth, Legg was a good character. Most of my jibes came from my sick sense of humour, but he was good fare for the most part. A highlight being his refusal to carry out a 'virginity' test on Shireen Karim and the ensuing row with Ashraf. He also had a way of handling Lou Beale that nobody else could quite master.
His tired old traditions were put to the test by both Jaggat Singh and David Samuels, but he always held on to his way of running his surgery, and this is to be admired, although I disagreed with him. He remained with the show on a semi-regular basis until 1997 and still makes a cameo appearance every so often. Good actor and a worthy inclusion.
